From the “Girl, Be Stingy with Your Womb” Blog Series by Elizabeth M. Johnstone
“If you have to buy love with your body, it’s too expensive to keep.”
Let’s Talk About Performative Love
Too many of us were taught to trade, not love.
Trade our silence for peace.
Trade our bodies for commitment.
Trade our wombs for belonging.
Trade until there’s nothing left to give.
We cook, we clean, we hold him down, we pour in, we shrink, we twist ourselves into emotional pretzels hoping he’ll see us, choose us, value us.
And when he doesn’t? We try harder.
Why?
Because somewhere along the line, love got marketed to us like a rewards system.
Give more, get more.
Be “low maintenance,” and you’ll be kept.
Be chill, be understanding, be quiet—and eventually, he’ll upgrade you to “wifey.”
Sis… you’re not applying for a promotion, you’re supposed to be in a relationship.
Stop Hustling for Love That Should Be Free
Real love doesn’t come with receipts.
You don’t have to earn it by suffering first.
You don’t have to qualify for it by playing small or proving your loyalty through heartbreak Olympics.
If you find yourself keeping score,
“I gave him a child,”
“I stood by him when he had nothing,”
“I forgave him more than I should’ve”
then babe, you’re not in love.
You’re in a transaction.
And what do we know about transactions?
They’re only fair when both sides are giving equally.
If you’re the only one swiping and he’s just there enjoying the benefits, you’re being robbed in broad daylight, emotionally speaking. Na bado uko hapo, calling it “building.”
Being Chosen Is Not the Same as Being Cherished
We’ve been sold the idea that being “chosen” is the goal.
But guess what?
People choose based on convenience every day.
They choose Uber. They choose fast food. They choose things that don’t challenge them.
Being chosen by a man who doesn’t cherish you is not a flex.
If he only chose you because you were the easiest, the quietest, the most available, or the least demanding—you weren’t chosen. You were selected for silence.
Sis, let that sink.
You are not a pick-me prize. You are the whole damn table.
Love Shouldn’t Feel Like a Layaway Plan
We’ve all heard it.
“He just needs time to grow.”
“He’ll change once he gets on his feet.”
“He’s a good man, deep down.”
Listen… deep down is not a safe place to live.
You can’t date potential and expect peace. You can’t love a broken man and expect a whole relationship.
If you’re doing all the emotional lifting, spiritual investing, and baby-raising, you’re parenting. He’s just “figuring himself out.” Sis, you’re not partnering.
If the only time he’s affectionate is after sex, that’s not love. If he only shows affection when he needs something, that’s not love. If he’s affectionate when he’s feeling guilty, that’s not real love. That’s manipulation with a side of false hope.
Love, Lust, and Lies
Sis, let’s be real, some men will say anything to get access to your womb.
They’ll call it love, but what they really mean is control. They’ll paint futures you didn’t ask for. They’ll whisper sweet nothings that sound like “always and forever,” but really mean, “until I get what I want.”
And the moment you get pregnant?
The entire script changes.
Suddenly the man who said “we’re in this together” starts disappearing like the last sausage at a family meeting.
Let me tell you about Faith.
Faith was in a “serious” relationship with Brian for three years. He wasn’t perfect, but she loved him. Every time she brought up marriage, he’d brush it off and say:
“Babe, you know you’re my wife already. A ring doesn’t change that.” Hebu tucheke because ni mawhat those?
And Faith, like many of us, believed in the power of love.
One day, Brian dropped the ultimate manipulation line:
“If you have my baby, I’ll marry you.” hey you! can you relate?
Faith got pregnant.
Brian?
He ghosted her before she even hit her second trimester. Vanished.
No goodbye. No explanation. No prenatal checkup.
Just vibes and broken dreams.
How Some Men Use Your Womb Against You
Not every man wants a child out of love.
Some want one out of strategy. And you need to learn how to decode it before it costs you your peace.
Here’s what it looks like:
- To tie you down: He knows you’re out of his league. Having a baby makes it harder for you to leave.
- To avoid marriage but keep access to you forever: He doesn’t want the commitment of a wife. Still, he wants lifetime access to you and your body.
- To prove his manhood: He thinks impregnating you boosts his ego, not his responsibility.
- To trap you into dependency: He is aware that motherhood will limit your freedom. It will affect your career and choices. These limitations make it easier for him to keep you under control.
It’s cold.
It’s real.
And sis, it’s happening every day.
How to Spot the Lies Before It’s Too Late
Let’s decode these lines now, so you never fall for them again:
“If you love me, you’ll give me a child.”
→ Translation: “I want proof of your loyalty, but I’m not offering you commitment in return.”
“A baby will bring us closer.”
→ Reality: A baby will bring stress, night feeds, and two extra jobs. If your love isn’t built on solid ground, this will break it.
“I’ll take care of everything.”
→ Ask any single mother how that turned out. If he’s not providing now, he’s not about to level up the moment you start craving mangoes at 3am.
“My family wants us to have a baby.”
→ Response: “Then let your family carry it. I’m not your family’s surrogacy plan.”
Sis, Your Womb Is Not a Bargaining Chip
If a man truly values you, he will build with you.
He will commit to you.
He will support your dreams before talking about babies.
If the baby conversation comes before the plan, the commitment, and the emotional security, run. Don’t walk. RUN.
Love Should Water You, Not Drain You
If love only shows up when you’re sacrificing, hustling, and bending—that’s not love. That’s spiritual labor dressed up as romance.
You deserve a love that doesn’t test your body before trusting your heart.
You deserve a love that matches your energy, your value, and your vision.
If you’re doing all the giving and he’s doing all the taking, it’s not love. It’s a one-sided contract you never signed.
Sis, protect your womb from sweet talk, soft lies, and spiritual frauds.
Love isn’t a transaction. It’s a choice. And anyone trying to sell you love through guilt or pregnancy is already bankrupt inside.
Have you ever mistaken love for lust? Or promises for plans?
What would you say to the woman you were before you learned how to say no? let me hear from your comment section
💌 Next Up: Chapter 3 – Boundaries Are Beautiful
Get ready to walk into your power, one “no” at a time.
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Wordflow Caring Hearts LLC
“Every life is a story. We care for yours with dignity.”
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